On Human Evolution...

Warning: This post is not for those who believe in the ridiculous theory of biblical genesis. Earth and the diversity on it was not created in 7 days by the holy wave of a divine hand, regardless of what the best-selling fictional book says. Those who do not agree can leave, now. Thank you.

"We know that," that's how one of our professors always begins a boring lecture. So I won't begin that way. Instead, I will begin as follows:

Chemicals ---> biochemicals ---> single-cellular life ---> multicellular life ---> fish ---> mammals ---> monkeys ---> man.

The above may not be exactly right, but let's say I took artistic liberties with it. Now the question arises, is man the end of this chain? Are we the absolute pinnacle of evolution? A body that lives for a maximum of 120 years (only if you don't have sex), and a mind that can only imagine 3 dimensions. Just because we have opposable thumbs and the ability to ask "why" does not mean we cannot be improved. In fact, there is a huge scope for physical, mental and cultural evolution.

If we leave it to nature to evolve us at it's own pace, our species will not last. What with nuclear weapons and the universal disregard for human life, we just might wipe ourselves out within the next decade. Instead of accepting it as the retribution for our sins, we must look at it as a hostile environment to which we must adapt. Let us examine these hostile conditions in further detail.

1. High risk of exposure to nuclear radiation.

2. Biological epidemics on the rise.

3. Declining resources such as food and water.

Clearly, our delicate bodies are not built to survive in such conditions. It is time we took evolution into our own hands. How do we do this? There are a couple of paths I can think of right now.

1. Genetic Engineering and Cloning.

This path is fraught with moral and ethical concerns and will not make much progress in the near future. Thank you, religious fanatics that enjoy shackling science. We have not forgotten what you did to Galileo.   

2. Robotics and Cybernetics.

This is the path that looks promising to me.

It might be easier to accept Cybernetics as a form of evolution. We replace critical body parts with machines, augment our brains and senses with synthetic interfaces and thereby increase our lifespan and resilience. This will do as a temporary measure.

Robotics on the other hand sounds more like creation than evolution, but according to me, it is evolution. If we do manage to create true Artificial Intelligence(AI), will it not be based on our own logical rules and thought processes? Imagine a synthetic body that never dies, does not contract diseases, is immune to nuclear radiation, does not require food or water, just solar energy, and can repair itself. Now imagine putting a self-aware artificial intelligence in it. For kicks, maybe we can even make it look human. Now that is truly an improvement on the human race. Hence, evolution.

Now these sentient machines might start a war and wipe us out and rule the earth for all eternity, but that's evolution isn't it? Survival of the fittest. 

One last thing, I call dibs on the personality imprint that will be given to the first self-aware computer.

Cheers!

The demon of depression.

It starts subtly. So minor, it's much easier to neglect rather than confront it. Some say it is caused by shocking events. Others claim that messed up brain chemicals are the main reason. Either ways, once it grips you, it's really tough to get it off. Depression is real.

I used to be of the opinion that people will depression upon themselves, that it is the weak of mind that suffer from this pseudo-illness. I was wrong.

The symptoms for depression are many. Unfortunately, most depressed people do not know that they are depressed. They try to will the illness away, pretending that it is just a passing phase. Fortunately, it is very easy to know if you are suffering from depression, if you know what to look for.

The basic symptoms include:

1. Persistant sadness. It lasts for months. Even when people around you move on, you just can't.

2. Lack of appetite. Many people stop eating all together and lose a lot of weight in a couple of weeks.

3. No interest in pleasureable activities.

4. The most important though, is the complete lack of will to live. Many become suicidal.

The worst part about being depressed is that people who have not gone through the experience cannot understand you. They simply cannot comprehend the draining, sapping feeling that kills you slowly on the inside. The complete and unshakeable sadness that assails your very soul cannot be understood by a person standing outside.

The good news though, is that you are not alone. Depression is more common than you think, and best of all, it is very treatable.

So if you somehow find that you are depressed, there is only one thing you can and should do. Seek help. Now.

The purpose of all life.

We all know that the answer to life, the universe and everything is 42. Unfortunately, this does not help us in deriving any satisfactory conclusions. We humans, being self-aware creatures, are constantly (well, maybe not that constantly) assailed by the philosophical question, "why do I live?". In fact, unless a satisfactory answer to this question is provided, we usually find ourselves no different from the plankton in the ocean, merely drifting where the tide takes us.

Have I arrived at a satisfactory answer? Have I finally attained the ultimate enlightenment that will set me free? No, I have not. The reason for this I believe is that there is no such thing. Through simple logic we can all arrive at the conclusion that life, especially self-aware life is nothing but an un-planned accident in the utter chaos that is the universe. No, I will not accept the "Holy" bible or any other "Holy" book as proof to the contarary. As far as I am concerned, such books are simply works of fiction whose authors convieniently forgot to put in the disclaimer.

Now we come to the heart of the problem. If life has no purpose, why do we live? Why do we do the things we do? A vast majority of us struggle through life, constantly striving to attain better and better standards of living. Why? In the end, we are just going to die. Beyond that, there is nothing. At least, nothing from this world. So how do we inspire and motivate ourself, if not with promises of a non-existant afterlife? The answer is simple, we do it with what I like to call the "goal-screen".

Imagine that life is a road. A road that extends into infinity. We are all walking along that road unaware of when we will abruptly fall dead. So why do we walk at all? There is no destination on the road, so why run? This is where the goal-screen comes in. To ensure that I run on the road, I place a large screen in the distance. A screen that looks like a destination. It cuts off my vision of the eternity that I cannot comprehend and provides me with something tangible that I can reach. Hence, I run.

I don't know how much of this made sense, I apologize for the uncharacteristically large amount of non-sense in this post. This is more of an attempt to clear the clutter in own head than a proper blog post. Still, feel free to add to the mess.

Cheers!

My ultimate weapon, Anger.

Anger is a beautiful emotion. I rank it second only to the ultimate pleasure experienced during an orgasm. Sometimes I even feel that a bout of anger is more pleasurable than an orgasm (at least the short male ones) because it lasts longer. Besides, one doesn't have to worry about creating a sticky mess (unless you tend to save old semen in glass jars and like to throw them around when angry; I know, yuck!)

I believe it is time we wiped the puke off the floor and pulled ourselves back to the central purpose of this post, anger. Well, it is not my intention to teach you how to control anger, rather, I am just going to ramble on about why anger is so awesome.

One reason is the sheer effect it has. The slow simmer that begins at the bottom of your belly, slowly rising up into your chest, getting warmer by the second until the burning inferno explodes in your head and the rush of adrenaline in your blood makes you feel invulnerable is surely a feeling one can get addicted to. The only problem with this is that most people forget to enjoy this feeling and tend to shoot kids with machine guns at school.

I on the other hand tend to close my eyes and savour the moment, the hot blood coursing through my veins lending strength of muscle and will to a generally weak and timid persona.

Okay, okay, enough about why I love getting angry more than having sex. Let me tell you why anger is the ultimate weapon. Anger is the ultimate weapon because I say it is.

Ah, I see that you don't trust me enough to accept it on my word. Well then, here's the real reason. Most people tend to loose control when angry. When this happens, they are extremely volatile and can me manipulated into a position of extreme disadvantage, regardless of whether it is a physical or verbal conflict, provided that you keep your head cool.

On the other hand, there are people who wish to avoid heated conflict and shy away from any hint of violence. These are the people one needs to get angry against. Get pissed, by all means, blow your top. But do remember to think clearly. This might be slightly difficult in the beginning, but eventually you will get there. Getting extremely angry and being able to think at the same time is a huge plus. This is because anger not only effects your muscles, but also your brain. I have noticed that when angry, the brain works at a much faster rate, like an over-clocked CPU.
Also, be on the lookout for signs of anger in your opponent. If you manage to get the opponent to become angry and loose control, switch immediately to the previously described cold-calculating mode.

With practice, you can hone your anger and summon as well as dismiss it at will. Like I said in one of my previous posts, the divine question, conflict is an unavoidable aspect of human life. Once you add anger to your arsenal, your chances of coming out on top are greatly increased.

Hope this helps :)
Yours Furiously,
Sandy

minipost #1

There are times in life when everything else takes a back seat compared to what one is currently engaged in. This is not one of those times for me. As much as I love blogging, I haven't gotten around to making a most for several days now. So, instead letting my dear blog slowly die of neglect, I am going to use the age-old technique of mini-posting.

Keeping in tune with the accepted format of mini-posts, I write the following:

Part 1. Reason for inactivity:
Have been working(when not sleeping) on a website for a college-event with my dear friend Dave.

Part 2. Short Poem/Hastily taken photograph:
My life is in a ditch,
I know not what to do,
Female of dog is bitch,
Out of the back comes poo.

Part 3. Apologies for being inactive:
Sorry.

Part 4. Loving words to all readers:
Dears, Sweethearts, Honey, Sugar, Darlings... etc.

Part 5. Empty promise of future improvement:
I will be king of the world and you shall be my queen.

Do take note of the number in the title of the post. Yes, there will be more of these in days to come.
Cheers!

Independence...

I stepped out of my house early today morning (don't look at me like that, 11 AM is pretty early for me.) The sky was just the right shade of cloudy. A cool, wet breeze grazed past my skin. Music in my ears, a sparkle in my eyes, I thought today was a better day than most. It is then that I noticed that every single vehicle, from rusty old bicycles to swank new cars had at least two Tirangas (tri-coloured flag of India) affixed on them. All the shop fronts sported the three colours in front of the sternly closed shutters. Today was our 62nd Independence Day.

Hurray, I thought. I took a moment to remember the various flag-hoisting ceremonies that I have attended, the atmosphere full of desh-bhakti (patriotic) songs, the stiff salutes, the pride that flows through an Indian's veins as the freedom struggle is recounted in colourful detail. I watched as people with smiles walked with a renewed spring in their step, wishing each other a Happy Independence Day. Kids no higher than my waistline rushed past on bicycles, the tring-tring of their bells a testament of their joy (probably due to the sweets distributed at school.)

Although it's been 62 years, we Indians still proudly recall the struggles and sacrifices of those brave, brave freedom fighters. From Gandhi's innovative non-violent policies to the radical explosiveness of Bhagath Singh, from the silent sufferings of millions of resistant Indians to the courageous marching of Subhash Chandra Bose's army. What is more, most people I see on the street seem to share these feelings. Little paper flags pinned to their shirt-pockets indicate their patriotic spirit.

It is then that out of the corner of my eye, I notice an old woman squatting on the pavement. Her dirty Saree is in tatters, and she has no legs, and evidently no sons. Men and women pass by her; impervious to her outstretched hand, to her desperate pleadings, to her pitiable state. The children are dragged away firmly by their parents as they turn and stare at this anomaly in the universe. They all have small flags.

On the other side of the road, I spot a woman, her pallu (the loose end of her Saree) covering her head and a sizable part of her face. Her eyes are down on the road. She sees nothing but the brisk feet of her husband who walks in front of her. Yes, he has a flag on his pocket too.

A short distance away from them, an affluent(in wealth and girth) man steps out of his expensive car, right into a muddy puddle. The flag pinned to his pocket bobs up and down as his corpulent chest heaves in rage. He then proceeds to yell at his cowering driver while the smaller man tries in vain to apologize.

Just around the corner, I see another small flag. This one is not pinned onto a pocket proudly. Nor is it waving happily in a child's small hand. It is on the top of a pile of repugnant refuse. How fitting.

Are we really independent?

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Unrelated Update:

Got my very own Orbi-Glow™ today! Initially I wanted the 'Original Orange' one, but then I saw the 'Popular Pink' and couldn't resist. The fact that no other colours were in stock did not influence my decision in any manner.

After stringent testing (on myself, no animals were harmed), I have determined that Orbi-Glow™ has no compatibility issues with manically evil masterminds and has absolutely no side-effects (the expression you see is not caused by Orbi-Glow™, it is an inborn feature of the model himself.)

If you are an evil person who desperately needs to appear good, cheaply, Orbi-Glow™ is for you. Get yours today only at one of my favorite blogs: The Loony Bean.

P.S Did I mention that the other posts there are just as interesting and hilarious as, if not more than, this one?

Grand Unified Theory of Motivation

Motivation has been variously described as the driving force, the fire within and, when the describer is bored and possibly has nothing better to do than define vague terms, as “the internal condition that activates behavior and gives it direction; energizes and directs goal-oriented behavior.” Like my brothers in the hood might say, I have no beef with any of these definitions and I am certain that none of my beautiful readers have any cow's meat with them either. In fact, they serve nicely to set up the platform on which I can build my post today.

I am not going to expound on what motivation is or how to go about inculcating it in oneself and others. The purpose of this post then has to be to speculate and perhaps conclude about what motivates most, nay, all (Grand Unified, said I) people. It is pleasure. Yes, it is that plain, that simple, that commonplace, and that low. I am sure a lot of you are shaking your heads and considering swearing at me in the comments, but hold off a little longer while I blow away your beliefs and enforce mine with pure, undeniable logic or perhaps some literary hypnotism, or maybe a bit of both. Either-way, prepare to agree with me!

Let us consider the various things that supposedly motivate a huge number of people.

1.Materialistic possessions:

Includes money or things that can be bought with it and hoarded as one's property. There is no scope for an argument here, people do this for pleasure and only pleasure. Most people look down upon this motivational factor as base and even animalistic. I do not agree.

2.Power/Clout:

Why do people need power? (Very good John, but I was not talking about electricity.) What do they do when they obtain it? Why do they keep wanting more? Just like money, power is also an abundant source of pleasure. Thinly-veiled, the specter of pleasure smiles from behind the mask of power.

3.Fame/Glory:

To be known to a large number of people; to be doted on; to be followed, praised, lifted in the air, cheered for; to be criticized, talked about, and sometimes even hated; to see one's name or face in print or other media. Those of you who imagined these things while reading are sure to be feeling good, feeling pleasured. This is because fame and glory is nothing but another source of pleasure.

4.Magnanimity/Benevolence:

Acts of kindness, selflessness, charity; working for the greater good; doing what others want; helping the needy... etc. These acts are also carried out solely for pleasure. Take a moment and ask yourself, the last time you helped someone or sacrificed something so someone else could benefit, what did you feel? The answer has to be pleasure.

There might be difficulty accepting this Grand Unified Theory at first. If that is the case, then look closely at this text; yes, closely. Do not look elsewhere. You are beginning to believe. You are feeling better about agreeing with me. You are liking what I am telling you. You will make me the prime-beneficiary in your will. You will help me take over this world and crown myself King! Oh well, it was worth a shot. Looks like the 'well-spent' 10 bucks on Literary Hypnotism 101 were not so well-spent after all.

So now on to plan C. The difficulty to accept this theory is mostly due to the fact that most humans wish to believe that they are in certain ways superior to animals. I won't claim that they are not, I do not wish to be branded as an animalist (an advocate of the doctrine that people are just animals). However, I find that all motivational factors have their roots deeply buried in pleasure. Contradiction is evident here, but I have found a way out. (Yes, I understand your mental imagery of me as an eel. It's alright, no offense taken.)

According to me, pleasure is more human than animal. There was a time when humans openly embraced pleasure as something holy and divine. Unfortunately, most modern religions decided that this did not serve their purpose of rapid expansion and control and hence branded pleasure as a base and animal-like quality. This, I believe, is the reason that humans are in denial about their driving force and look for and invent alternate ones.

Do post your thoughts in the comments.
Pleasurably Yours,
Sandy

P.S: Yes, I am pretending that I have not been inactive for a week and that I am not at all sorry about it.