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Friday, July 24, 2009

Leximoron

Disclaimer : The following post is not intended to offend a particular gender, ethnic or religious group, or nationality. I am a misanthrope and I hate everyone equally (except for you Paris Hilton, I hate you more!). The said post also contains some 'mature' language that certain adults (prudes) may find offensive and wish to restrict their children from enjoying. I apologize to those kids whose guardians suppress them in such a manner, perhaps I can make it up to them some other day.

As I recently became active in the blogosphere, I noticed that most of the blogspot-comment CAPTCHAs contained enough vowels to enable proper pronunciation. It made me think. If one can wrap one's mouth around a word, then certainly said one can use the aforementioned word during One's verbal interaction with Two. In fact, once One has defined the word, Three, Four and Five may also make use of The One Word to enrich their extensive vocabularies.
Hence, I decided to select some such words and give them meaning, give them life, so that they may go forth and multiply!

1. frokers:
slang; Used to describe certain Scottish males, who wear frocks called 'kilts' and blow on pipes (bagpipes u perverts!). Commonly suspected to have homosexual tendancies.

2. subar:
Sugar for dyslexics; comes in special unlabeled containers. "With subar, erevynoe can mkae coffee now!"

3. ovend:
Higher form of 'baked'; describes a condition of intoxication from marijuana (a.k.a weed), usually leading to sexual-intercourse with multiple persons(or animals in extreme cases) of all genders.

4. slychi:
adj. Cunning or deceitful to the extreme. Usually used in context with the theft of condoms during sexual intercourse. "Slychi people are the leading cause of unexpected pregnancies."

5. kloill:
Hair-grease assured to repel the opposite gender. Has been known to cause crinkling of nose, nausea and even death if vapors are inhaled in high doses. "Kloill: Loneliness Guaranteed!"

6. coder:
if(you.understand(this)==NULL)
{you != coder;}
else
{you = asexual_loser;}

7. sasmsess:
The superlative of mess. Usually caused by mixing 15-20 college kids, one king-size cake, and five kegs of beer. "Oh man! Dad is going to kill me for this sasmsess!"

8. dowdstly:
adv. Frowningly; with extreme contempt. "He looked at me dowdstly when I told him I like Savage Garden"

9. chintef:
A Chinese chef pretending to be French. "'Bonjour! Je m'appelle Bong, Chames Bong', said the chintef."

10. bibledi:
An illness caused by extended exposure to The Holy Bible. Symptoms: shrinking of genitals, nonexistent sex-life, and a secret attraction to young boys.

Did you like them? Any favorites?
Got any of your own? Let the comments flow!

Yours Verbally,
Sandy



26 comments:

Simon said...

Very neat! Frokers and kloill are my favourites. I’m still collecting verification words in the hope of writing a short story or poem made of them, but I did a Verifyers Dictionary a few months ago…

Sandy said...

@Simon
Haha, I see that you thought about this way before I did. Loved your dictionary. I have some plans to take this further *grins ominously*.
Keep reading. :)

the girl with the pink teacup said...

Sandy!

Finally, I made it to your blog. And what a blog it is!

I have to say that I am rather impressed by your lexicographic skill. I was going to recommend that you check out Simon's blog, but I see he has already pimped himself - sly old bastard. I love these ridiculous word verification definitions - a fantastic definition competition was recently held here at the very excellent Goldfish Broth, one of my favourite blogs. Enjoy.

And I have to say I was a little unsettled by your 'coder' definition. Having almost zero understanding of any kind of code stuff, I thought that you were implying my lack of coding knowledge made me an asexual loser. Then I remembered who I was, and realised that it couldn't be true. I also remembered that the kind of people who generally understand code stuff are in fact asexual losers (no offence intended, naturally), and I realised again that it couldn't be true. Do explain...

Sandy said...

@the girl with the pink teacup
Hi! I was hoping you would drop by soon.
Yes, Simon did show me some amazing stuff over at his blog. Before he did, I was under the impression that I came up with something new. Ah, the pleasant illusion.

The 'coder' definition was targeted at programmers, but for you, I will explain it here. '!=' means 'not equal to'. '==' is used to compare things, while '=' is used to assign the value on the right of the '=' to the object on the left. So yes, the coders would have to be the asexual losers here.

Welcome to The Village Idiot.
Hope you like it here! :)

Nashe^ said...

Chintef has got to be my favourite.

You know I'm a linguistics major, right? I totally live for these wordy stuff!

Sandy said...

I always wanted to major in language, but ended up taking up engineering. So that makes me a 'coder'. Glad you enjoyed reading my post.
Welcome to The Village Idiot.
Have fun!

lacherie_17 said...

Ha ha I love it!

Your blog is great, Sandy! Thanks for visiting mine so often and keeping it from being neglected, lol! Keep writing awesome entries!

Lashawn

Sandy said...

@Lashawn
I am glad you enjoyed my post.
Your blog is a pleasant and refreshing read. Also, I love commenting. Thanks for visiting my blog often too.
Do keep reading. :)

Cheers!

Ashish said...

Lol..this post is hilarious.. m glad u visited my blog, now I got a really interesting blog to read. For a newbie like me this was the first absurd lexicographic lesson ;). Loved it. I liked the way u coined 'kloill' ; but in terms of usage i think sylchi won the race for me ;)

Cabin-boy Dave said...

Lol, that was awesome!

I've got to say my fave was 'chintef', though 'slychi' came a close second.

Here's my own:

'antrinen': Medication against arthritis for social insects known for their industrious nature

Sandy said...

@Ashish
Hey! Glad you dropped by. I'm happy to have amused with my humble lexicographical embellishments. Perhaps you could try some out yourself. I am thinking of starting an activity of some sort with this.
Welcome to The Village Idiot.
Keep visiting often. :)

@Dave
Thanks for the appreciation Dave! I have reason to believe that I targeted 'chintef' specifically at you or perhaps it was inspired by you. Either ways it had something to do with you lol!
Your defination of 'antrinen' has meanings within meanings. Nice one. Stay tuned for something more related to this post.
Cheers! :)

NJ- The NevaJazz said...

I loved... 'coder'.... !! gud one... gud thinking..

Sandy said...

@NJ
Lol, so you understood 'coder'. Glad you enjoyed reading. :)

HaRy!! said...

Hello Sandy...new here! nice write up yu have :) , chintef...lol that one!whr yu gotcha all these kind? :) cya will keep visitin..

Sandy said...

@hary!!
Hello there! Thank you for the kind comment. Glad you liked my handiwork.
Welcome to The Village Idiot.
Keep reading. :)

Keshi said...

HAHA good ones there!

Froker was interesting.


**else {you = asexual_loser;}

LOVED IT. Im a coder so I got that full-on haha!


Keshi.

Sandy said...

@Keshi
My deepest condolences. It is unfortunate that you are, like me, a coder. Hehe!
Glad you enjoyed reading.
Welcome to The Village Idiot.
Do visit often. :)

Juan Pablo said...

LMAO! this one cracked me up, just because I think much the same thing when I read Captchas.

I love this blog, I'm going to be following now! :) If you ever have time, stop by mine!

www.vidajuanpablo.blogspot.com

Sandy said...

@Juan
Hi! Glad I managed to crack you up! You should certainly check out my next post, you just might be a leximoron yourself.
Thank you for following my humble blog. I am checking out yours now. :)
Welcome to The Village Idiot.
Enjoy your stay.

Keshi said...

My condolences to myself too! Im planning to come back to life from this mega 'death', and change my career soon ;-)

Keshi.

Sandy said...

@Keshi
I am afraid the only redemption possible for a 'coder' is that of returning from mega-'death' to the libido-less life of a zombie. ;)
All the best for your career change(if you are actually contemplating one.)
Cheers!

Cabin-boy Dave said...

Omigosh! Is the contest over?

I came up with a few! Can I still have the badge?

dainesur - An terrible Italian lizard of the Jurassic Era, the only known reptile that feeds on pizza.

yelin - Mild shouting, often associated with a drunken stupor.
Eg: 'Wood you quit zat yelin? Peeple are tryin' to sleep. Don't need any more o' that yelin! I wan' my momma'

moning - A vocal indication of pain or discomfort, normally heard on Monday mornings.

nonst - This word is used to describe an event that occurs ceaselessly, until someone comments on the fact.
Eg: 'Would you look at that cover drive? I've got to give it to this dude! Action guaranteed, nonst- Oh. He's out.'

eineun - The politically correct term for a Japanese eunuch.

Sandy said...

@Dave
The contest has been... er... canceled.. because of ...ummm.. technical, yes, yes... Technical Reasons.... no wait.. what contest? ;)
I'll still send you the badge. You are a complete leximoron!(It's a compliment.)

I especially liked the the usage of 'yellin' and 'nonst'. I also suspect that 'monin' was aimed squarely at me.

Thank you for contributing! :)
Keep visiting The Village Idiot.
Cheers!

Shishir said...

Haha. Very funny post... I think I might use several of these words in my research papers from now on.

Aashu said...

HI :)...finally here I am !!
Well...about this one..in particular..always knew and I think I have mentioned this too that you have a way with words:)...but didn't think that you could come up with a new words like these:D ..Keep it up..hope to stay be a true follower and I hope update my blog as well...soon..:D

Sandy said...

@Shishir
De feel free to utilize these words, or any that you create on your own in all sorts of places! Glad you liked the post.
Keep visiting The Village Idiot. :)
Cheers1

@Aashu
Hi!
Glad you finally decided to make your presence felt. Looking forward to reading your blog.
Welcome to The Village Idiot.
Do keep reading. :)
Cheers!