Grand Unified Theory of Motivation

Motivation has been variously described as the driving force, the fire within and, when the describer is bored and possibly has nothing better to do than define vague terms, as “the internal condition that activates behavior and gives it direction; energizes and directs goal-oriented behavior.” Like my brothers in the hood might say, I have no beef with any of these definitions and I am certain that none of my beautiful readers have any cow's meat with them either. In fact, they serve nicely to set up the platform on which I can build my post today.

I am not going to expound on what motivation is or how to go about inculcating it in oneself and others. The purpose of this post then has to be to speculate and perhaps conclude about what motivates most, nay, all (Grand Unified, said I) people. It is pleasure. Yes, it is that plain, that simple, that commonplace, and that low. I am sure a lot of you are shaking your heads and considering swearing at me in the comments, but hold off a little longer while I blow away your beliefs and enforce mine with pure, undeniable logic or perhaps some literary hypnotism, or maybe a bit of both. Either-way, prepare to agree with me!

Let us consider the various things that supposedly motivate a huge number of people.

1.Materialistic possessions:

Includes money or things that can be bought with it and hoarded as one's property. There is no scope for an argument here, people do this for pleasure and only pleasure. Most people look down upon this motivational factor as base and even animalistic. I do not agree.

2.Power/Clout:

Why do people need power? (Very good John, but I was not talking about electricity.) What do they do when they obtain it? Why do they keep wanting more? Just like money, power is also an abundant source of pleasure. Thinly-veiled, the specter of pleasure smiles from behind the mask of power.

3.Fame/Glory:

To be known to a large number of people; to be doted on; to be followed, praised, lifted in the air, cheered for; to be criticized, talked about, and sometimes even hated; to see one's name or face in print or other media. Those of you who imagined these things while reading are sure to be feeling good, feeling pleasured. This is because fame and glory is nothing but another source of pleasure.

4.Magnanimity/Benevolence:

Acts of kindness, selflessness, charity; working for the greater good; doing what others want; helping the needy... etc. These acts are also carried out solely for pleasure. Take a moment and ask yourself, the last time you helped someone or sacrificed something so someone else could benefit, what did you feel? The answer has to be pleasure.

There might be difficulty accepting this Grand Unified Theory at first. If that is the case, then look closely at this text; yes, closely. Do not look elsewhere. You are beginning to believe. You are feeling better about agreeing with me. You are liking what I am telling you. You will make me the prime-beneficiary in your will. You will help me take over this world and crown myself King! Oh well, it was worth a shot. Looks like the 'well-spent' 10 bucks on Literary Hypnotism 101 were not so well-spent after all.

So now on to plan C. The difficulty to accept this theory is mostly due to the fact that most humans wish to believe that they are in certain ways superior to animals. I won't claim that they are not, I do not wish to be branded as an animalist (an advocate of the doctrine that people are just animals). However, I find that all motivational factors have their roots deeply buried in pleasure. Contradiction is evident here, but I have found a way out. (Yes, I understand your mental imagery of me as an eel. It's alright, no offense taken.)

According to me, pleasure is more human than animal. There was a time when humans openly embraced pleasure as something holy and divine. Unfortunately, most modern religions decided that this did not serve their purpose of rapid expansion and control and hence branded pleasure as a base and animal-like quality. This, I believe, is the reason that humans are in denial about their driving force and look for and invent alternate ones.

Do post your thoughts in the comments.
Pleasurably Yours,
Sandy

P.S: Yes, I am pretending that I have not been inactive for a week and that I am not at all sorry about it.